DEVOTING your life to money-saving tips will cause you to die alone and unloved, experts have warned.
Relationship experts have found that it is impossible to love someone who is constantly hoarding ‘25p off’ coupons and rationing the use of the tumble dryer.
Counsellor Donna Sheridan said: “There’s a line between ‘sensible’ and ‘weird’, and saving three quid by buying Christmas crackers in January crosses it.
“Nobody wants a person like that in their life.”
Miser Tom Logan said: “You’d think women would be attracted to money-saving men because they’d look after their family’s finances. Although I don’t want kids because toys are expensive plus you have to heat another bedroom.”
Fellow scrimper Mary Fisher said: “Not one person has responded to my internet dating profile. Maybe under ‘interests’ I shouldn’t have put ‘collecting Domestos coupons’.
“I was engaged to a lovely man but we split up when I found him throwing away slivers of soap instead of squishing them together to make a new, slightly hairy bar.
“I wonder if Martin Lewis is single? I’d look on the internet but the neighbours have changed their password.”