THE readership of the Mail on Sunday will increase, it is as simple as that, experts warned last night.
The closure of the News of the World will mean the planet’s most disturbed thing will now be bought by thousands of tabloid readers who are not intimidated by the dreaded ‘third syllable’.
Media analyst, Julian Cook, said: “The ones who just like the pictures will now point and howl at the Daily Star Sunday – oh yes, there is such a thing.
“And those who bought the News of the World as some kind of edgy, ironic statement will just go back to reading whatever dicks normally read.
“But the hard, cold, sickening fact that will become this country’s epitaph is that hundreds of thousands of people will now drift within the gravitational pull of Peter Hitchens.
“So those FUCKING ARSEHOLES at the Guardian might want to think about that shit for a minute before they pop the champagne that they can’t really afford because they haven’t made a profit since 1642.”
He added: “The News of the World did some nauseating, ghastly things, but it’s not Hitchens. It’s not even close.
“By default, we have increased the audience for pure, cruel, mindless hate. Well done!
“Then again, at least Peter Hitchens only hacks into to his own voicemail to find out what his multiple personalities have been telling him to do.
“Sometimes he is Bad Peter, sometimes he is Crazee Peter and sometimes he is Peter Christ, the Angry Jesus. From a spectator’s point of view, it’s best when he’s being all three.
“But for British culture, I’m afraid it is a case of ‘out of the frying pan, into the mental hospital’.”