MAX Mosley has launched a bid to
protect people who love it when their bare bottoms are alive with
Mosley wants the European Court of Human rights to rule that newspapers have to ask your permission before telling their readers you need to be being spanked like a bastard by fake German prozzies.
This would then allow the delighted victim to take out an injunction, inevitably granted by a judge who has forgotten more about having his backside reduced to a pulp than you will ever know.
The son of British fascist leader Sir Oswald said lax privacy laws meant senior professionals could no longer enjoy ferocious buttock violence without worrying that the details may end up in a newspaper that could be purchased easily by their wives.
He added: “As the studded paddle makes heavenly contact with my shaved, milky white-bottom and the glorious pain sends more blood pumping into my already pulsating erection I have often thought to myself, ‘this really is none of my wife’s business’.”
Mosley, former head of international motorsport’s governing body when he was not handcuffed to a commode, won a landmark court case against the News of the World after it revealed absolutely nothing about Nazis.
According to the tabloid, Mosley met with a group of sex workers, one of whom was dressed in stripey pyjamas that looked exactly nothing like the uniform of a concentration camp inmate, while another affected a fake German accent and behaved in a cruel and authoritarian manner in a way that made it perfectly clear she was not meant to be in the SS.
The woman who was obviously not a Nazi then checked Mr Mosley for lice using a method completely different to the way concentration camp inmates were checked for lice by their whip-carrying, leather-capped SS overlords.
But critics warn that Mosley’s plan would make it easier for politicians and big businesses to stop you finding out exactly how evil they are and how they actively want to ruin your life.
Media lawyer, Bill McKay, said: “We could have new privacy laws that will leave us all at the mercy of total shits, or you could maybe just watch Lark Rise to Candleford instead of cheating on your wife with a gang of arse-pummelling whores who were definitely not pretending to be Himmler.”