MORE than 90% of Britons have an idea for some art, it emerged last night.
As Hirst was applauded across North London for putting some patio furniture in a glass box, across the country thousands of people said that was basically their conservatory.
David Bingham, an accountant from Surrey, said: “My sister can draw anything – bananas, tanks, even horses.
“Horses are incredibly hard to draw, but her work only fetches Â£5 at craft fairs. It’s annoying because in a draw-off I think she’d beat Damien Hirst by about 20 minutes.”
He added: “Art prices should be based on skill. Michelangelo was really good at chiseling, Banksy is excellent at sneaking around and David Hockney uses colour in a deceptively simplistic way that draws you in even as it repels you.
“What’s Damien Hirst good at apart from being a cheeky prick?
“I read that he got $17m dollars for some pills in a box. I had to double check to make sure I wasn’t having one of my crazy cheese dreams.”
Meanwhile Hirst is shocking and delighting audiences in Hong Kong with a smaller version of the diamond skull that he got some other people to make for him after Keith Allen phoned up drunk one day and said ‘you should totally glue a load of diamonds to a skull’.
Bingham added: “I’ve made this marionette thing out of left-over gammon. It’s called Meat Puppets and it’s yours for Â£486,000.
“If you like, I can put it in my conservatory.”