A MAN who has racked up two decades on the roads still remains totally baffled whenever he encounters a roundabout.
Martin Bishop has developed his own coping strategy for such intersections, including planting himself in the middle of the road, turning up Radio 2 to full volume, and hoping sheer luck will prevent a collision.
Bishop said: “I passed my test so I must have known how they work at some stage. I think there’s something about giving way to the right, which I don’t get. Why doesn’t everyone drive very slowly round the perimeter on the far left? Then I wouldn’t start hyperventilating.
“I try to avoid roundabouts when I can, but if I can’t I try something new every time, hoping I’ll finally crack it. Sometimes I lurch wildly between lanes, or stick the hazards on and smash my fist on the horn. Once I simply waited my turn for 15 minutes. You should have seen the tailback!
“But what never changes is the basics – I always close my eyes, press the accelerator down and hope for the best. No one can ask for more than that.
“At the end of the day, no one really understands roundabouts. They’re a bit like the Bermuda Triangle or Stonehenge. Was Stonehenge a neolithic roundabout? The Discovery Channel should look into it.”
Fellow driver Donna Sheridan said: “Everyone round here knows Martin in his little Fiat with all the dents in it. My husband swears he once panicked so badly at a T-junction he drove into a canal, bless.”