Mum never thought she'd be so desperate to visit a soft play centre

A WOMAN who has entertained her children in her own home for four months would give anything to ignore them in a soft play centre for two hours.

29-year-old Lauren Hewitt used to believe soft play centres were the seventh circle of Hell, but in recent weeks has begun to dream about taking her children there and blissfully ignoring them for two hours.

She said: “I would give a kidney for the opportunity to to sit down, drink terrible coffee and scroll mindlessly through social media to the relaxing sound of screams that aren’t my problem.

“They’ve been home with me for 14 weeks. During that time I’ve come to realise that soft play does more for my mental health than anything else, including meditation apps, therapy and 40 per cent proof booze.

“If they can open the pubs, which are full of people staggering around laughing like twats and being sick in corners, why can’t they open soft play?

“They’re basically the same thing.”

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Observant boyfriend notices girlfriend's hair has 'gone a different colour on top'

A KEEN-EYED boyfriend has spotted that the top of his partner’s hair has, over the last four months, changed to a different colour than the rest of it. 

Joshua Hudson made the observation out loud to girlfriend Lucy Parry, who appeared angry at him both for noticing and for not noticing earlier.

He continued: “Yeah, it’s really weird. It’s gone darker and this kind of dull brown like from the top but going down? Like there’s still blonde bits, but they’re lower than they used to be.

“I wonder if it’s a new style? Now I’ve noticed it I’ve seen other women with it. But why would she choose that colour?

“It doesn’t look great, to be honest. I wish she’d left it alone until the hairdressers reopened, rather than trying out a new look herself during lockdown. I bet it won’t last.”

Parry said: “So first that’s proof he doesn’t listen to anything I say, and second that it takes him around three months to notice any changes in my appearance.

“Good to know.”