YOUR mother is keen to hear what you have in mind for Christmas so she can completely overrule it.
Inquiries, which began in February, are now arriving daily by text and a decision is urgently required so that it can be contradicted.
Mum said: “I need to know if you’ve made that relationship last in case you want the big room, and if so does she really have to be vegetarian on the day?
“Bear in mind I am going to order a turkey from the fancy butchers and if that isn’t good enough I don’t know what is.”
Carolyn Ryan of Hereford said: “I told her me and him were having a quiet one at home, and she’s invited herself down for nine days, with granny and the dog.
“I’ve been told to start steaming the pudding by November 18th at the latest, or it won’t be perfect and she’ll cry.”