Mum who gave teacher way too expensive gift shunned at school gates

A PARENT who rewarded her son’s teacher with a £65 handbag has found herself shunned as an outcast at the school gates. 

Carolyn Ryan’s gauntlet-throwing generosity has made her the talk of the WhatsApp groups, especially the new one formed by everyone who was in the previous one except her.

Mum Emma Bradford said: “A Radley handbag? What the f**k? Lindor chocolates are as posh as it’s supposed to get. It’s an unwritten rule.

“You can’t raise teachers expectations. They need to be accustomed to a frugal life in a small cottage with a modest salary, like Miss Honey in Matilda, even if we have paid £685,000 to live in this catchment area.

“This has blown Christmas gifts for everyone, and not just this year but every year. You think they’ll go back to Roses after this? You think teachers won’t give preferential grades for bribes? Dream on.

“Of course she had to post it on Facebook, allegedly to share that little Reuben was wrapping it up himself. Bollocks. The flash bitch just wanted to show off the price tag.”

Ryan said: “And now none of the other mums are talking to me and we’re not invited to their foul children’s birthday parties. Result.”

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'It's beginning to look a lot like lockdown' and other rewritten seasonal classics

‘PUBS are closing all around us, NHS is struggling, country walks our only recreation, happy lockdown everyone.’ And other festive favourites rewritten: 

‘It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown,
Lockdown time is here,
Just look at the infection rate, it’s heading to one point eight,
With masks in shops and booster shots and fear’

‘Last Christmas, we all stayed indoors,
And for the next three months cause we had no choice,
This year, a new variant’s here,
And we’re back on that same f**king bullshit’

‘I don’t want a lot for Christmas, just to see my f**king mum,
I don’t need that much for Christmas, just not to be on my own,
Just to not spend it alone,
In my flat cooking for one,
Gonna spend it pissed,
My second lockdown Christmas, it’s shit’

‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year,
The prime minister lying and everyone dying and living in fear,
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!’

‘You’d better watch out, you’d better beware,
You’re not protected by Astra-Zeneca,
Omicron is coming to town’

‘It was Christmas evening,
Under lockdown,
The PM promised me,
Wouldn’t be another one,
But he’s a lying twat,
And he’ll soon get the sack,
And we’ll have better times,
Under Rishi Sunak.’