Mums’ group unites in hatred of parent who is not a total mess

A NEW mother has committed the unforgivable crime of admitting to others she is not a sobbing wreck.

Emma Bradford’s neighbourhood baby group, who meet weekly to discuss the utter hell of motherhood, are considering expulsion if she refuses to break down soon.

Leader Susan Traherne said: “The first rule of baby group is never tell another parent you’re feeling anything but abjectly, deliriously wretched. That goes until your kid is 35.

“Emma waltzing in here claiming to have had a wonderful bonding afternoon with a three-month-old is unpleasant, offensive and harshing everyone’s misery buzz.

“Bullshit he’s sleeping through. Double bullshit on him recognising colours. What’s next, pictures of her and little Arlo climbing Kilimanjaro?

“Fingers crossed he’s screaming uncontrollably while shitting like a beast at the next meet-up. It’d be music to our ears.”

Bradford said: “Maybe I’ll bring a cake for the next get-together. Some of those mums look like they could do with it, and Arlo loves baking! He’s brillant.”