A WOMAN is distraught after finding out her new partner is into wanky necklaces and pendants, she has revealed.
Nikki Hollis is reconsidering her relationship with Tom Logan after seeing him in a necklace type thing that looks like a tiny biscuit on a shoelace.
Administrator Hollis said: “I opened a wardrobe at Tom’s and was confronted by dozens of metal bangles, and other crap like metal dolphins with fake gemstones for eyes on leather cords.
“After inspecting the presentation boxes I realised they all had some laughable gimmick, like a ring made from a small piece of steel from a decommissioned American M-48 tank.
“I didn’t know Tom had all this shit, but with hindsight I should have noticed his cufflinks ‘based on the classic Triumph motorcycle company insignia’.
“I’m not some bigot who thinks jewellery for men is effeminate, but you have to admit a ‘native American-inspired Zirconium eagle charm’ is pretty weird.”
Sales executive Logan said: “Nikki’s going to be really impressed by my new Celtic cross bracelet. It’s made from precision-engineered high-impact Swiss tungsten.”