Naive woman grateful for invitation to hen weekend in Dublin

A WOMAN is understood to be ‘really excited’ about an upcoming hen weekend she believes will be ‘a lot of fun’.

Laura Smith, 23, said: “Emma is the first of my friends to get married, and I’m just so honoured she invited me. She’s a bit older than me, so I bet it’s all going to be really sophisticated.

“She’s taking us all to Dublin apparently. Isn’t that nice of her? I haven’t received the details yet, but I’m sure traditionally the bride pays for everyone, because she’s the one who invited us, right?

“So generous!”

Laura added: “I’ve never hung out with a large group of women I don’t know. I think lots of them already know each other really well, and I can’t wait to slot right in and join their gang. What a laugh!

“I can’t wait to sit around with a glass of red wine discussing books and politics, maybe take in some of Dublin’s beautiful architecture and culture.”

Maid-of-honour, Camilla Daniels, said: “There will be drinking straws shaped like cocks.”

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Runny eggs no longer dangerous but still utterly disgusting

BRITONS are not at risk of salmonella from eating runny eggs though they will still sicken anyone forced to watch, a watchdog has confirmed.

The Food Standards Agency has confirmed that, 30 years after Edwina Currie injected salmonella into eggs as revenge against her lover John Major for jilting her, lightly cooked eggs are now safe and stomach-churning to eat.

A spokesman said: “We’re not announcing this without a measure of regret.

“For three decades, the only comfort of seeing some filthy bugger dipping perfectly good toast into repugnant yellow egg has been the possibility they might get salmonella and spend a week vomiting, or best-case scenario die.

“But sadly the only people who will get sick from revolting runny eggs are those unlucky enough to be in the room with the monsters eating them, or catching a whiff of their eggy breath afterwards. Euurgh.”

The FSA also confirmed it is also now safe to eat raw eggs but not to because it is manky.