Sunday, 25th October 2020

Nation still doing congas told to rely on its common sense

A COUNTRY forming celebratory conga lines as recently as this weekend has been told to use its innate common sense to figure out lockdown restrictions. 

The government has confirmed that its bewildering guidelines are perfectly clear to the kind of focused rational thinkers who dance in the street to Black Lace.

Conga dancer Emma Bradford said: “It’s totally safe to meet up with both parents in the park if you’re all staying two metres apart and doing the time warp. Simples.

“And if you want to invite friends round for a barbecue, protect each other by doing the Macarena at all times. I don’t see how the government could make it any more straightforward to be honest.

“It’s perfectly safe to work next to someone, you can’t see relatives, you can drive from Middlesbrough to Cornwall but never cross the border to Wales, stay alert means stay home, and you can perform unlimited tangos in the park. What’s confusing?”

NHS worker Nikki Hollis said: “You think this country has common sense? You should see the stuff I’ve had to surgically remove from arses over the years.”