New law ‘would make newspapers obey law’

NEW legal measures could make it illegal for newspapers to break the law.

This man is worried about morals and also prison

Under the Labour proposals, journalists who bribed police or hacked phones would have committed a crime – whereas previously they would merely have been in breach of the law.

Harriet Harman said: “By putting a law on top of a law you make a completely inescapable law sandwich.”

The police have reacted angrily to claims this would not become a thing if they had just done their fucking job.

A Police Federation spokesman said, “It’s as if people expect the police in these situations to act as some sort of ‘policeman’, policing things.

“If breaking the law is now to be considered a felony, then theoretically, you might even have members of the police force arresting each other.

“This would spiral out of control and within a week all the police would be in prison. Which would, ironically, trigger a massive crime wave.”

Tabloid journalist Tom Booker said: “Law enforcement is basically what Orwell warned us about in 1984.

“A normal person breaks an average of twelve laws just getting to work. In fact, not having the right change for the bus is technically a crime under the 1843 Small Coins Act.”