New MI5 boss seems really paranoid

BRITONS are worried that the head of MI5 seems really paranoid about terrorism.

Andrew Parker claimed that thousands of Islamic extremists see the UK public as a legitimate target, provoking concern that he is a bit ‘Barry Lloyd’.

Plumber Tom Logan said: “My guess is that he’s been smoking too much skunk. That shit can really give you the fear.

“It’s scary though, they’ll let anyone run an intelligence agency these days.”

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Miley Cyrus either having a meltdown or that is just normal now

POP star Miley Cyrus is either having a total meltdown or conforming to modern social norms, according to experts.

Psychologists have expressed concern at the young woman’s dementedly sexual mannerisms and dress habits.

However they admit it’s equally likely that this is just what our world is like now.

Dr Emma Bradford said: “Even ten years ago I’d look at Miley Cyrus and say something is very, very wrong with that young woman. She needs to be taken to a friendly place and helped by professionals.

“But then if you look at the bigger picture, you’ll notice that our entire culture is heartbreakingly dysfunctional.

“Most men are addicted to hardcore pornography and popularity is the ultimate goal. So perhaps Miley is just utterly, boringly conventional.”

Dr Bradford described showing a number of test subjects photographs of Miley Cyrus in buttock-revealing shorts, appearing to hump a person dressed as a giant toadstool.

She said: “None of them commented on her behaviour, they just asked where they could buy all the products shown in the picture.”