New pound coin provokes tiresome pensioner nostalgia

THE ‘thrupenny bit’-influenced £1 coin has left pensioners unable to shut up about how cheap everything used to be.

The new coin looks like a 3d piece from wartime, which pensioners say would get you tickets for a George Formby film, a ‘great big’ bag of Little Imps and your tram fare home.

89-year-old Mary Fisher said: “One thrupenny bit bought you a week’s worth of tripe, a family tin of snuff and a two-picture double bill at the Palladium.

“It was always two pictures back then, and they had a man playing the piano during the interlude when they came round with the ice creams. They had one sort of lovely British ice cream, none of this foreign Solero rubbish.

“Of course the Palladium’s a Lidl these days. Oh no that’s the Empire. The Lidl was a butcher’s, or something else.

“Anyway everything’s ruined now.”

25-year-old Tom Logan said: “Since my nan set eyes on this coin she’s been unable to shut up.

“I’ve tried explaining how ‘thrupence’ wasn’t the paltry sum she remembers because grandad only earned a shilling a week for 90 hours of shovelling coal into a furnace.

“Luckily she’s already in a home, so we can avoid her simply by not going there.”


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Left-handed people mostly not geniuses

FAVOURING your left hand does not mean you are some sort of creative genius. 

Left-handers enjoy listing names like Beethoven, Da Vinci, Paul McArtney and, at a push, David Cameron as evidence of their special gifts.

Handologist Tom Logan said: “As a southpaw I liked to believe I had some unique qualities other than being amusingly bad at cutting things out.

“But after extensive research I discovered that although there are numerous gifted left-handers, any clever people not in that category must – by a process of elimination – prefer their right hand.

“In conclusion, having terrible handwriting is not the same as being awesome.”