THE new Rubik's puzzle can provide a healthy alternative to a sexual relationship and is definitely not a fetish for OCD social misfits, its inventor said last night.
Professor Erno Rubik, who lives alone in a house made of maths, designed 'Lonely-Ball' so that it takes 30 years of relentless, stroke-inducing effort to get some coloured things on it to line up.
But he is unconcerned that obsessive users could die as demented, Gollum look-a-like virgins.
"I believe the pleasure of solving this fiendish logic puzzle will far outweigh any pleasures typically associated with physical proximity to a sexual partner.
"And unlike a female, my new puzzle does not bleed on a monthly basis or have frightening hair in strange, secret places."
The professor added: "Why waste precious ball-time caressing a naked young female's glistening, asymmetric body? It lacks the true clarity of purpose that obsessive devotion to a very difficult mathematical plastic ball toy delivers."
Former postman Wayne Hayes, who spent 24 years completing the Rubik's cube, said: "My wife left me, my daughters disowned me and I ended up sleeping in a pop-up urinal. And I wouldn't change a single thing."
He added: "Now I have a small plastic cube with sides that are all the same colour. And if I really want a wife or girlfriend I can just draw a woman's face on it, like in that film with Tom Hanks and the volleyball."