WELL-GROOMED young women who do not take drugs are pretending to be excited about attending Glastonbury Festival.
The conventional, upbeat women are focusing on the practicalities of the weekend, like whether to bring an inflatable pillow, to avoid considering the hellish reality of survival in a massive ditch full of caners.
Sixth-former Nikki Hollis said: “Apart from living like an animal and hating all the acts, this is going to be the best weekend of my life.
“Obviously everyone else will be talking disjointed drug shit while I sit and watch, but I don’t mind. I’ll just think about my nice clean duvet and food that hasn’t been made by dirty hippies in a van.”
Meanwhile, student Joanna Kramer said: “My friend Charlotte said she wouldn’t mind not washing her hair for a few days, which was clearly a lie because she owns a bottle of conditioner that cost £95.
“I wanted to tell her that none of us wanted to go to Glastonbury, but then it would have looked as though I didn’t want to go to Glastonbury.
“It’s a conspiracy of silence.”