A NOW quite worried Britain has requested everyone stop pissing about and explain what actually has happened to the Princess of Wales.
Britons who have no real interest in the Royals beyond paying for them are suddenly realising that a two-month absence and a digitally manipulated photo are strong grounds for suspicion.
Nathan Muir of Reading said: “So if they can’t even release a recent photo of her, where the f**king hell is she?
“I’m not demanding she return to her Royal engagements. If a Lord Mayor has to snip the ribbon on a new children’s ward I couldn’t give a bugger. But we, her loyal subjects, are very pointedly not being told shit at this point.
“Look, we’re not trying to be intrusive. When you announced ‘planned abdominal surgery’ we all kept our speculation to friends, family, colleagues and strangers at bus stops. We ignored America’s mental conspiracy theories.
“However, at the point where you can’t even produce a photo of her sitting down with her kids, we have a duty of care to ask what in f**k’s happening. You’ve told us we love and cherish her, yeah? So can we find out what’s going on?”
A Royal spokesman said: “You don’t love her. In fact you don’t like her much and wouldn’t even notice if she was gone.”
