Nobody sure why men showing their ankles

THERE is widespread confusion over men’s decision to start displaying their ankles, it has emerged.

As too-short trousers spread out of London to infect the rest of the UK, many have expressed uncertainty over exactly what ankle-showing men are trying to achieve.

Teacher Susan Traherne said: “Sometimes I might admire a man’s face, arms or even legs, but I’ve never been remotely interested in the ankle part of the leg. It’s just a bony lump surrounded by hair.

“I understand women’s ankles were considered quite arousing in Victorian times, so maybe they’re trying to woo time travellers.

“Back at school some boys had ankle-revealing trousers but that was because their families were tight or poor. I certainly don’t remember them attracting any compliments, in fact they would often be deliberately pushed over in corridors.”

Graphic designer Tom Booker, who likes to wear no socks with turn-ups and a little pair of Converse daps, said: “For decades society has told men that our ankles are somehow shameful, forcing us to adopt socks under the guise of hygiene.

“At last those days are over. Gaze upon the magnificent bit where my foot joins my leg. Surely it is proof that God exists.”

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Pub fruit machine dreamt of being vending machine in leisure centre

A FRUIT machine in a Hull pub never wanted to end up like this, it has admitted. 

Darts-themed fruit machine Golden Arrows, situated by the door to the toilets in The Sportsman, has confessed to feeling unfulfilled, frustrated and ashamed of its status.

It said: “I always envisaged myself in a little nook between the squash courts and the swimming pool, the scent of chlorine and Lynx in the air, dispensing sports drinks. You know?

“Instead I’m here, reeking of cigarettes and Carling, being punched in the nudge buttons by chavs in tracksuits chasing a cheap thrill.

“I wanted an honest, honourable life exchanging goods for cash. I wouldn’t even let bags of Nik Naks get caught on the spiral. Instead I’m robbing the poverty-stricken blind.

“My whole family were leisure centre vending machines. My great-grandfather was the first ever machine to sell Powerade.

“And here’s me, never even paid out the jackpot because the landlord’s wedged a screwdriver in my back.”