NOISY Welsh girls are accumulating money at an increasingly terrifying rate, experts warned last night.
As new figures show that brassy, sassy hard-drinking female singers from the Dark Place have never been wealthier, researchers stressed it is the worst thing that has ever happened and that we are all going to die.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It is now a question of when, not if, they seek dominion over all living things.
"My computer modelling shows that the noisier they get, the more wealth they accumulate, until eventually they have all the money and everyone has either gone deaf or thrown themselves in front of a crocodile.
"Those that remain will be at the mercy of these earthy, wide-hipped maniacs with their push-up knockers and insatiable appetites."
Brubaker said Charlotte Church was now the dominant noisy Welsh girl and was using rugby man Gavin Henson as a sperm pump to create a platoon of regional governors who are not as stupid as they sound.
Meanwhile the very slightly quieter Katherine Jenkins is cultivating her image as the 'forces' sweetheart' so that she can one day buy the army and use it to enforce the whims of Church and her Cardiff drinking gang.
He added: "Everyone was focused on the banks and the bonuses, but all the while Church and Jenkins have been quietly accumulating enormous piles of cash. Except of course that they weren't quiet, they were unbelievably loud. And we stood there and did nothing.
"Future generations – if there are any – will hate us like Nazis."