Non-football fans emerge from underground bunkers

PEOPLE who are not interested in football have emerged from their underground shelters.

Millions of non-football fans have left their network of subterranean shelters, blinking at the light as they asked themselves if it could really be over.

Ball-based sport avoider Susan Traherne said: “After a month underground living on Pot Noodles, the sun seems almost painfully bright.

“There’s still lots of football-based advertising, like the big picture of those young men in their England uniforms proclaiming Lidl to be somehow their official supermarket. But it looks tired and forlorn, like some relic of the ancient Romans.

“I can hear birds and even see some humans going about their normal business. It appears the nightmare is over – for now.

“Oh God, what about the tennis? Please tell me that’s finished too.”