PEOPLE who do not have children know more about raising them than those who do, it has been confirmed.
According to new research parents came bottom of the table with a wildly haphazard approach to child-rearing involving far too many DVDs and corn-based snacks.
Roy Hobbs, 56, who spent too long in the navy to settle down and start a family, said: “Parents are liberal do-gooders who don’t understand that children need boundaries and discipline.
“If they got locked in cupboards overnight as a punishment there wouldn’t be any crime.”
Mary Fisher, 48, who always knows exactly what to do, said: “Parents are the kind of irresponsible people who have sexual intercourse, which everyone knows is disgustingly unhygienic.
“It’s all about fresh air. If kids were made to go outside instead of staring at computers the oxygen would make their brains grow bigger and they would all have IQs of about 200.”