League title to be awarded to most insane manager

THE Premier League title will be given to the team whose manager is the biggest lunatic, it has emerged.

Poised to pull out a wooden snake

Louis Van Gaal and Jose Mourinho are among the frontrunners after it was decided that demented managerial antics were more entertaining than actual football.

Bookies cited Van Gaal’s David Lynch-style haircut, coupled with the autocratic style of a banana republic dictator, as making him a strong contender in the mentally unhinged stakes.

But Jose Mourinho has been rehearsing a few borderline-arrestable tricks of his own in training, including jabbing the fourth official in the backside with a fork.

Meanwhile Arsene Wenger has brought in a slapstick expert to help him develop his ‘unzippable caterpillar anorak’ routine and Brendan Rodgers is to communicate exclusively in 90s-style corporate management-speak.

Bookmaker Stephen Malley said: “Van Gaal might think he has the edge but he’s up against some tough opponents when it comes to bizarre nonsense perpetrated by highly paid, grown men. 

“He may pull his trousers down but there are young, up and coming hungry managers who are prepared to expose and brandish their genitals on the touchline if that’s what it takes to get in the top four.”