North launches Rent Aid to help Londoners

NORTHERN pop stars are recording a benefit single for Londoners facing rising rents.

The musicians, including Liam Gallagher, Sting and Mark E Smith, have come together to raise public awareness of the humanitarian crisis being suffered by people in the capital still house-sharing in their mid-thirties.

Mark E Smith  said: “I read about a young couple being forced out of their squalid bedsit above a laundrette in Hackney by a foreign investor, leaving them with no option but a move to Zone Six.

“In Bolton you can rent a perfectly good three-bedroom semi for £550 per calendar month. I cannot just stand by and watch this suffering.

“If we raise £500,000, that will cover London rent rises for a full month. £750,000 and we can pay Foxton’s fees for a whole new generation of renters.”

Liam Gallagher added: “We must act before cruel human traffickers take advantage of their desperation and promise to smuggle them to better lives in Macclesfield.”

The Cribs, Peter Kay, Pulp, the Arctic Monkeys and Bryan Ferry, also feature on the single, with Jimmy Nail doing a talking bit in the middle.

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Fallout 4 set in present-day Carlisle

THE latest instalment of the video game Fallout is set in and around 21st Century Carlisle.

Previews show the hero fighting off massive rats round the back of Iceland in Lowther Street for a defrosted kebab pizza and then being chased by a pack of dogs.

Developer Nikki Hollis said: “With state of the art graphics we can really capture the experience having to live in a barbaric cul-de-sac of despair in a country that’s completely fucked.

“I spent over a month animating the empty Greggs wrappers that blow around the landscape like little grease-stained ghosts.”

The main plot of the game involves getting together enough cash to escape from Carlisle on a train before your character dies of congestive heart failure.

New features include a multiplayer mode that allows you to kick off outside nightclubs, betting shops and primary schools.