Northern cafes compete over most disgusting sounding breakfast

LOCAL cafes in the North of England are competing over who has the most revolting sounding breakfast.

Every cafe north of Birmingham is taking part, with the winner receiving as many pigs’ trotters as they can fit in their car.

Bill McKay, a cafe owner from Hull, said: “You can come in and just order a normal breakfast, that’s fine.

“But if you’re a lorry driver with bright red skin then we’d always recommend the ‘Prescott’s Balls’. It’s a half a pig served on toast, floating on a sea of beans.”

Martin Bishop, who runs the Pit Stop in Macclesfield, said: “We do a thing called ‘The Manky Clappers’ which is a mixture of animal parts, onions and cornflakes with four fried eggs on top.

“And whereas most other cafes offer black pudding, we specialise in ‘brown pudding’.”

Mary Fisher, owner of a cafe in Middlesbrough, added: “We do a breakfast dish called ‘deep fried scrubbings’. It comes with macerated sausages and ‘bothered’ eggs.

“We also do a thing called ‘rubbed scrubbings’ but we need 24-hours notice for that one.”

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Woman realises her entire romantic life has been making herself laugh in front of boring men

A WOMAN has realised her entire love life has just been her enjoying her own company in front of a succession of tedious men.

Rachel Brett, 28, said: “I was midway through a date with Simon when I realised it. He was on his fourth story about carbonara, and I’d already tuned out after the first 90 seconds.

“The night perked up when we got into a little back-and-forth riffing about forks. I remember laughing really hard and beginning to enjoy myself.

“But then I got home and it hit me. I realised that I’d been the one saying all the funny things and he’d just sat there, barely contributing at all. In fact, I think he may have had some more stories about carbonara.

“Then I thought back to all the other dates I’ve had with men I thought were funny over the years, and how lucky I’d felt to be sitting there with them. I realised that they hadn’t been amusing at all, they’d just been present whilst I was being funny.”

She added: “Since this realisation, I’ve just been going out on dates with myself, and I’m having a much nicer time.”