Northern Lights ‘are Daily Mail reader LSD’

THE Aurora Borealis is the closest the average Daily Mail reader will ever get to a psychedelic experience, they have confirmed.

Across middle England, men in Blue Harbour and women in Per Una have spent the night gazing skyward and mouthing ‘Wow, the colours’ at each other.

Roy Hobbs of Derby said: “The wife and I were out in the garden for ages and I turned to her and said ‘This isn’t working. We’ve been ripped off.’

“But as I said it her face turned an unearthly green, and I looked up to see the sky full of shimmering illumination.

“As I watched it dance around the sky I realised that my day-to-day concerns – the mortgage, the Honda Civic, that teacher at Jonathan’s school with the suspicious beard – were as nothing compared to the majesty of our cosmos.

“Then I saw next door’s cat crapping in our herbaceous border and got the hosepipe out.”