Wednesday, 19th February 2020

Northerner banished to south for saying London was 'okay'

A NORTHERN man has been exiled to the South of England after telling friends London was ‘not that bad’.

Nathan Muir of Clitheroe recently had to spend a week in the poncey a**ehole capital for work and dared to say ‘you kind of get used to it’ in front of scandalised friends.

He said: “I opened with all the stuff the price of a pint and how souless and filthy it all is, but then admitted the skyscrapers are impressive, and there’s always somewhere open selling great food, and actually tons of good pubs.

“‘Full of unfriendly bastards,’ my dad said, but I unwisely went on to tell a story about these Essex lads who were a real laugh, then before I could finish I was punched off my chair.

“They’ve told me to pack my houmous and my bloody pop-up cinema and get down there with the stand-up comedians where I bloody belong.”

Mum Sarah said: “No son of mine is going to go around saying positive things about London. Who does he think he is? Taylor Swift?

“He’s exiled now. The South is his home. Well, technically he could live in the Midlands but nobody’s going to do that.”