ARE you being bombarded by indecipherable corporate jargon? Check to see if you’re about to get your arse kicked out the door.
There are only two reasons people talk to each other in an office: to offer a cup of tea, or to give someone a bollocking. If you’ve got a fresh brew in your hand and you’re in a one-to-one meeting, chances are your time has come.
This is an athletic-sounding way of saying ‘we’ve got our f**king eyes on you’. Should you hear the word ‘benchmarking’ in sentences that also contain the words ‘low performance’, and ‘highly expendable’, it’s probably time to give your LinkedIn page an update.
Remember the time you shat in the office plant pot after Janet’s birthday drinks? Yeah, well, not only did it ruin the party atmosphere, but the cleaners didn’t appreciate it either. Fingers crossed your boss doesn’t mention it when that job you found on Indeed comes sniffing for a reference.
Clue’s in the name with this one. If you’ve found yourself in an exit interview you either know you’re on the way out, or you’ve wandered into the wrong room. Either way, just say “constructive dismissal” and everyone should start treating you better.