AN EMPLOYEE was surprised to receive a formal warning for drinking heavily in a meeting like Sports Direct boss Mike Ashley.
Administrator Wayne Hayes assumed Ashley’s drink-fuelled meetings were the sort of ballsy, unconventional behaviour that would be welcomed in the business world.
Hayes said: “I drank nine pints at lunchtime then staggered into a meeting with a catering-size bottle of gin. People looked shocked but I just assumed they weren’t up to speed on modern business practices.
“My boss Lorna asked me what the hell I was doing, so I challenged her to a drinking competition. She’s clearly not a team player because she wouldn’t touch the vodka shots I lined up for her.
“For some reason I got the urge to give everyone a macho motivational speech, so I staggered round the room shouting ‘We’re gonna make BILLIONS because we’ve got BIG FUCKING BALLS!’
“Then I was sick on a photocopier, but rather than cheering me on everyone kept saying ‘Oh my god!’.
“The next day Lorna gave me a massive bollocking instead of praising my no-nonsense style. She’ll be sorry when she’s working for me in my massive fuck off warehouse and I won’t even give her a free mug.”