Old guy who is always in pub still not saying hello

AN old man who has been drinking in the same pub for years still refuses to say hello to fellow patrons, it has been confirmed.

Tom Booker, 34 and Roy Hobbs, 60, have both been drinking in The Grapes pub in Stevenage for years and despite no reason for them not to be civil to one another, Hobbs is not having it.

Booker said: “I’m not saying we should be best mates or anything but a fucking hello wouldn’t go amiss.

“It doesn’t even have to be a verbal hello. It could be a nod of the head or a weak smile.

“I just want acknowledgement for God’s sake.”

Hobbs said: “I’m an old prick, what do you want from me?

“I’ve had 40 years of saying hello to people I don’t really know in pubs. Can’t I just be left alone to get pissed in peace and quiet?

Booker later made a drunken attempt to say hello and see how Hobbs was doing at the urinal, only to realise he was talking to a totally different old sod.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Google returns no search results for 'sexism' and 'tax'

TECH giant Google has decided that sexism and tax no longer exist, it has emerged.

As it continues to be dogged by allegations of gender discrimination and tax avoidance, Google has simply decided to terminate both concepts.

A Google spokesman said: “When Google first started up we were just a bunch of idealistic little geeks who wanted girls to think we were cool, so we came up with the motto ‘Don’t be evil’.

“However, it rapidly turned out that we did in fact want to be evil, because we discovered that having loads of money and power is actually way cooler than being good and paying tax.

“We are currently building a secret lair in a volcano in Nevada, where we will breed an army of humanzees to take over the world.

“In the mean time we still want everyone to think we’re at least trying to be nice, but rather than address problems we’re just going to pretend they don’t exist. So if you type in ‘sexism’ or ‘tax’ you just get a cool animation of Han Solo or some other pop culture guff.”

He added: “Don’t worry. There will always be porn.”