Pretentious couple convinced they are turning Scandinavian

A COUPLE with vague socialist ideas and a fondness for gloomy crime dramas think they are actually becoming Swedish.

Stephen Malley and Eleanor Shaw are convinced that if they wear enough chunky sweaters and eat pickled herring they will be able to grow a new nationality.

Shaw said: “Stephen has got great stubble and our flat is full of stylish minimalist furniture. It’s not from IKEA, we’re not sheep.

“We’ve seen Borgen, The Bridge and The Killing and we’ve got a book about hygge. Being British is dreadful, so we’re hoping that if we spend enough money on stylish lamps and Bjork albums we can become healthy, relaxed people rather than paranoid, fickle middle-class idiots.

“Have we ever been to Scandinavia? No, but my mum went to the Shetland Islands once.”

Swedish person Filip Eklund said: “It’s fucking freezing, it gets dark at two and a beer costs a small fortune because otherwise everyone would become an alcoholic to cope with it.”