PEOPLE who do not retire live longer because they are fuelled by hatred for their co-workers.
As a survey found that people who continue working into old age have longer lives, elderly employees said it was because of the burning rage.
70-year-old engineer Roy Hobbs said: “Every morning I see my team’s stupid, bonk-eyed faces and have to listen to their inane fucking banter about nothing.
“Then there’s my boss, a horrible, bigoted man with dirty fingernails and a blubbery neck from all the lovely expensive food he gets to eat because of our relentless toil.
“I want to repeatedly hit them all with spanners. I’m an old man but I have the barely-controlled aggression of a pissed off 20-year-old.
“That’s why I’m still so full of energy.”