A MAN has managed to share so little of himself that all relatives know is that he likes chutney.
Roy Hobbs, an enigmatic accountant and father of two, has not revealed anything about himself for years except his enjoyment of savoury preserves.
Roy said: “A decade ago I ate some tomato chutney that actually tasted of something, and I suppose I must have made the right noises and facial expressions because every birthday and Christmas since I have been given chutney.”
Hobbs’s wife, Sheila, said: “When people ask me for gift ideas for Roy, chutney is all I can think of to tell them.
“I’d love to know what’s on his mind, but he’s not a big talker, and he’s certainly no listener. The children and I have come to accept him as a barely animate but completely benign presence in the house.”
Hobbs added: “I could open up and talk about my love of 15th century Flemish art, or how fiendishly elusive true happiness feels, but I’d rather just keep quiet and be the fat git eating something wet and lumpy with his cheese.”