ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.
As it emerged that many men will spend their declining years alone, aged males confirmed that beneath their crusty, irascible exterior there was only more irascibility.
79-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “Some people seem to think that when I tell them to fuck off I actually mean ‘I crave companionship, come and have some cake’.
“What I actually mean is ‘fuck off’.
“I spent most of my middle years hiding alone in a shed. Now I’m a widower and the kids have left home I can at last come in the house, because there’s nobody else in it.”
Hobbs warned especially against anyone trying to pick him up in a minibus and take him to some kind of community centre.
“I’ve got a small hostile dog and a cupboard full of Fray Bentos pies and I am fine with that.”