Parents genuinely terrified by child’s latest finger paintings

A MOTHER and father are being tormented by the bone-chilling artwork created by their youngest child.

Four-year-old Emma Logan recently learned how to draw vaguely human forms and is enthusiastically filling the house with paintings, sketches and sculptures that scare the living shit out of anyone who encounters them.

Emma’s father Tom said: “It looks like the Blair Witch has had a trolley dash around Hobbycraft.

“We try to ‘lose’ them as quickly as possible but we can’t keep up. Everywhere I turn there’s another weird humanoid peering at me with intent.”

Emma’s mother Sarah added: “The eyes don’t just follow me around the room, they follow me to work and hover in front of me during meetings.”

Meanwhile, Emma his confirmed she is well aware of the unsettling effect her creations have on her parents.

She said: “Oh yeah, I’m fucking with their minds, big time. This is what happens when I’m not allowed to watch Paw Patrol.

“Let’s see how well they sleep when they encounter my imaginary friend ‘the Duchess’.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Corbyn 'was the baddie in 1970s Bond movie'

JEREMY Corbyn was the main baddie in a Roger Moore-era James Bond film, it has been revealed. 

The Labour leader appeared under the alias Snake-Eye Gardner in Nobody Lives Forever, the 1976 film in which Moore battles a rogue Communist arm of MI6. 

Daily Telegraph film critic Julian Cook said: “We didn’t recognise him because he doesn’t have the solid sapphire eye he has in the film – stolen from the Crown Jewels, and of course used to focus his laser – but it’s him alright. 

“At the beginning you think he’s a new, uncharacteristically scruffy, MI6 head who dispatches Bond to Uganda for a mission that turns out to be a trap, then you realise he’s SPECTRE and he’s brainwashed the agents. 

“Bond, accompanied by the glamorous Suzee Bayb, tears open Corbyn’s knitted pullover to reveal a Che Guevara t-shirt while quipping ‘You can’t pull the wool over my eyes,’ then shags the girl while Corbyn gets away. 

“In the big finale Corbyn unveils his plan to fake evidence of global warming, paralyse industry and destroy capitalism, but instead Bond shoots him and quips ‘You’re a good Commie, now you’re a dead one,’ and shags the girl again.”