Parking At Work Now Hardest Part Of Most Jobs

FINDING a parking space is the most challenging aspect of the average working week, according to a new survey.

Fucker

Research found that locating a spot in the office car park that wasn’t already occupied by a car, a bit of a car or an ‘unexplained’ traffic cone, was 86% more emotionally and intellectually draining than the subsequent eight hours of staring.

Tom Logan, from Reading University, said: “The shortage of spaces at any given workplace means at least half the workforce is experiencing what’s known as ‘Titanic syndrome’.

“It’s the angry, panicked feeling of watching the last lifeboat disappear over the horizon with Billy Zane in it quaffing champagne, as you watch helplessly from the sinking deck, contemplating your total fuckedness.

“Except instead of freezing to death in the bottomless icy water, you have to go and park in the estate round the corner, where there’s a four in four chance of your wing mirrors getting kicked off by a shit. And you’ll be slightly late.”

He added: “We also found that you were absolutely right about the ‘unexplained’ cone. It is placed there every night by some fucker who works in accounts and keeps it in his boot during the day.”

Data entry clerk, Emma Bradford, said: “I just sleep in my car. I suppose I could leave the car and walk to a hostel, but it might get towed and crushed with me still in it, or worse I might get a note on the windscreen that’s been printed out so that I know they mean business.”

Sales manager, Roy Hobbs, said: “Not getting a space is wretched, but worse still is walking out of the office on a Friday to find some murdering Nazi bastard has blocked you in. You should be able to kill them and then impale their head on a car aerial.

“Richard Branson lets his staff do that.”