People who highlight minor grammar points are amazing

THE ability to spot a minor grammar error is proof that you are amazing, it has been confirmed.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that people who loudly exclaim about apostrophes and ‘who versus whom’ are actually better than everyone else.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “In no way are any of these people vain, arsey pedants.

“Grammar perfectionists are both intellectually and morally superior to other types of human.

“The way they selflessly dedicate themselves to correct punctuation, for example by pointing out to the staff of a chip shop why the term ‘chip’s’ is a sloppy obfuscation, confirms they are bold and righteous individuals.

“If grammar people just learned to let things go sometimes, where would we be as a civilisation? Just fighting in mud, probably.”

56-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “Heaven forbid that my scrupulous attention to linguistic detail should be driven by intellectual vanity.

“The reason I loudly vocalise my frustration about a writer confusing ‘that’ and which’ is because of my passion for good English.

“It’s not that I want a crowded room to know how clever I am.”

43-year-old pedant Mary Fisher said: “So we are ‘generally better’? Better than whom? Better is a relative term.

“But perhaps you didn’t know that.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

US releases Chelsea Manning

AMERICA has asked Chelsea Manning to forgive them for jailing her instead of Bradley Manning.

Authorities state they are unsure how the prison cell containing Bradley Manning somehow came to contain the similarly-named Chelsea Manning.

Eyewitnesses state prison guards were seen removing their hats and scratching their heads as the governor shouted at them and asked Ms Manning if he could call her a cab home.

Chief warder Tom Logan said: “Her hair was the colour of sunshine.

“I don’t mind saying, if I were a few years younger I might’ve asked her to a dance.”