People without kids dreading Easter Holidays even more than parents

PEOPLE who prefer to avoid children are concerned that they will be absolutely everywhere next week.

With schools’ Easter Holidays looming, many adults who have chosen to avoid the lifelong burden of parenthood are concerned that public spaces will be teeming with demented, sugar-crazed infants.

Non-parent Tom Logan said: “Normally I just avoid getting the bus between three and four, but when they’re off school they could be on there causing a ruckus at any time of the day.

“Everyone knows parents hate the school holidays because they have to spend time with their children, but we non-parents have to be around their kids too and we didn’t even get to do the sex part.”

Happily child-free Emma Bradford said: “Sometimes in the week I like to walk around the zoo and just enjoy the peace and quiet.

Can’t do that when the kids are bloody off school. They anger up the monkeys, then they go in the shop and nick pencil sharpeners.”