Massive police crackdown on multipack cans sold separately

POLICE forces across the UK are targeting shopkeepers who illegally separate fizzy drink cans from larger groupings.

Operation Orphan, budgeted at £16 million, raided more than 14,000 newsagents, convenience stores and mini-markets yesterday and made almost 20,000 arrests.

Chief Inspector Helen Archer said: “Every year, soft drink manufacturers lose hundreds of pounds in revenue because of shopkeepers splitting multipacks.

“What’s hard for us to understand is that these villains run their empires with the collusion of the public.

“Tragically, it seems the British public would rather guzzle their Fanta without thinking of the human cost of their actions.”

A newsagent and two members of the public lost their lives in a gun battle yesterday, with police reporting the trader had “nothing left to lose” having already been cautioned for selling an out of date, limited edition Peanut Lion Bar.

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Daily Mail wins monopoly on alluring teens

MAIL Online is celebrating a victory against Google which leaves it the number one internet resource for underage images.

The website, famous for its catchphrase “looking older than her years”, has succeeded in a campaign to stop the search engine encroaching on its territory.

Inappropriate content editor Joanna Kramer said: “With the success of this campaign, the Mail remains the world’s pre-eminent provider of teen imagery accompanied by captions written in the hot-breathed tone of your weird uncle.

“Just as it’s wonderful to watch children ripen into adulthood, you can follow the tone of our stories moving from indulgent, to mock-stern, to a creepy pretence of concern, to openly leering to pruriently disgusted, with all the photos every time.

“Yes, from now on if you want to see celebrity daughters ‘looking just like their glamorous mother’ in evening wear or ‘cooling off beside the pool’ in bikinis, you’ll visit us. You haven’t heard of 15-year-old Kylie Jenner? Oh, you will.

“And once a month we’ll have exposés of the sexy clothes being pushed on our innocent children by high street stores, which always gets our readership herd braying and bleating.”

Mail reader Stephen Malley said: “I tend to skip past all that stuff. I read it for articles about toffs who’ve ended up living in council houses, Britain’s spiralling immigration problem and the Sudoku.”