Primary school teachers sad for child named Tiberius

TEACHERS at a primary school are sad to see yet another middle-class child who has been given a ridiculous name.

Staff are disappointed but not surprised that an innocent child has been condemned to unnecessary bullying and a lifetime of people assuming he is a dick.

Teacher Nikki Hollis said: “A certain type of middle-class parent finds ancient names irresistible, so it’s only a matter of time before we get pupils called Cyclops and Hydra.

“Tiberius was a successful Roman emperor, but the other famous Tiberius was James T. Kirk. So if our Tiberius doesn’t get twatted for being a ponce he’ll get twatted for being a nerd.

“Parents really need to think before they choose these names. Tiberius has so much to live up to he’ll probably become a drop-out selling rasta hats in Bristol.

“You can’t even shorten it. I suppose he could call himself ‘Ty’ but that just sounds like he’s really called ‘Tyler’ or ‘Tybalt’, which are both dreadful in different ways.

“‘Tibor’ doesn’t really solve the problem either.”