Prisoner perks to be based on money laundering for Chris Grayling

PRISONERS will be allowed perks such as television and snooker if they help the evil justice secretary hide his illegal earnings.

Chris Grayling said: “Forty-five minutes of television a day is reasonable reward for setting up a Cayman Islands holding company or a tanning salon that does not exist.

“Indeed, if a prisoner is able to complete self-assessment tax returns for my entire staff then he and his friends may even be rewarded with a cold beer on a hot day.”

Grayling added that innocent prisoners with advanced accountancy skills will also be allowed to ask him for support with their appeals.