Product somehow succeeds without social media bullshit

A PACKET of four-inch roofing nails is mysteriously selling to the public without having a Facebook page.

The galvanised steel nails, available from hardware stores nationwide, have no online brand presence, no Twitter and no website with Flash games for the kids.

Builder Tom Logan said: “I needed nails for a garage we were working on, so naturally I checked out the Likes and Shares on my news feed.

“When that didn’t work I went to trending hashtags, and when that failed I just went to the shop blind, wondering if there were Instagram stories I’d missed.

“Amazingly they were just there on a shelf, in a strange, alien pack that didn’t have a quirky story about the founders’ passion for nails.

“They seem to work. But I don’t feel engaged with their consumer narrative.”

Social media consultant Carolyn Ryan said: “Because it hasn’t made a genuine connection with the public, the product has no audience loyalty.

“Its customers will drift away and use something more popular, like Oreos or Monster Energy drinks, to fasten down their roofing felt instead.”

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Phil Rudd latest victim of anti-drummer conspiracy, say drummers

AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd has been targeted by an international conspiracy to discredit drummers, it has been claimed.

Rudd has been charged with hiring a hitman in New Zealand, in what drummers have claimed is a ‘classic, anti-drummer stitch-up’.

Drummer Mick Johnson said: “They use all kinds of tactics. They even started a rumour that all drummers have the same dad and that we’re called Mick, Phil or Roger.

“If that was true, then what about Ringo? He was a drummer.

“Yes he was.”

Drummer Mick Logan, added: “They hate us because we are free. We are the wild ones. We are Animal.”

Meanwhile, the drummers have pledged to hit back with a five-man, all-drummer super-group consisting of  Mick Fleetwood, Phil Collins, Phil Taylor from Motorhead, Roger Taylor from Queen and Roger Taylor from Duran Duran.