THE parents of students who achieved their A Level goals are pretending to be happy about the situation.
Plumber Tom Booker’s daughter Sarah excitedly revealed getting the required grades for a place at Bristol University.
He said: “She thinks these are tears of pride. I was saving that money for a canal boat.”
Booker is fairly certain that he and his wife are not getting any government help to keep his daughter alive for the next three years, even if he fiddles his books a bit.
He added: “Of course I’m proud, she’s the first one in the family to go to university. Or at least she will be, unless I can persuade her of the vocational and ‘life skills’ benefits of going straight to work at the local print and copy shop, then marrying her boss.”
Single mother Emma Bradford’s son Peter got his hoped-for two B’s and a C: “On the one hand, I’ve got to subsidise a massively expensive thing that I can’t afford and is totally pointless when you consider that all human knowledge is on the internet.
“On the other hand, he won’t be in my house any more, acting like nobody can smell his skunk smoke because he’s slightly opened the bedroom window.”