Public schools still top for producing bastards

INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.

The Institute for Studies found that fee-paying schools were twice as good at creating polite, well-mannered sociopaths.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The average comprehensive school is 18 per cent bastard compared to 36 per cent in schools with lakes and gargoyles.

“Private schools try to instil a moral code in pupils, usually based on a Latin slogan, but this is counterbalanced by the evilness of wealthy parents and the sense of entitlement that comes from wearing an extravagant blazer.”

He added: “It seems school is a waste of time. You may as well let kids run around until they eat each other or get bored and start reading books.”