BRITAIN is today extending a gracious invitation to the public sector to suck on it until they gag.
As it moves closer and closer to them, millions of government workers are making their mouths as small and tight as possible amid fears it will taste as bad as their private sector friends have warned.
Wayne Hayes, a grade 19 community liaison officer from Stevenage, said: “My friend Susan says it tastes like actions and consequences. She says it tastes like imperfection. She says it tastes like a mixture of Vimto and piss. She says it tastes like life.
“I’m begging you, please don’t make me suck it.”
Meanwhile unions have threatened strike action stressing public sector pensions were clearly affordable in the run up to the collapse of Lehman Brothers when the deficit was a piffling £68bn and rising and pensions were funded by nice corporation taxes from profitable banks run by geniuses.
Dave Prentis, the Unison boss paid £92,000 a year to say things like this, said: “Fred Goodwin, Bob Diamond, Bob Diamond, Fred Goodwin.
Meanwhile Tom Logan, a man who does something for a company in exchange for about thirty seven grand a year and four weeks holiday, said: “A lot of public sector workers complain about unpaid overtime. It’s almost as if they have one of those clauses in their contract which reads ‘and any additional duties as required’. You know the one.
“Now imagine how that tastes when it is slowly folded into a pension that’s made of raw shite.
“Admittedly, if I was a public sector worker I would not be relishing the prospect of sucking on it, but I also reckon I would at least have the nuts to admit that the deficit is my fault too.”
He added: “Meanwhile I’m being fucked by politicians, fucked by bankers and grimy hedge fund monsters and fucked by trade unions and the whining, snivelling, entitlement monkeys they represent.
“I simply don’t have any more holes to be fucked in.”