FOLLOWING the Queen’s failure to deliver her annual address to parliament, Britain is concerned for its Jubilee bank holidays.
Her Majesty’s decision not to open Parliament for the first time since 1963 has her subjects anxious that they will not get four days off on the trot to get shitfaced.
Site manager Roy Hobbs said: “I know nobody wants to say the fateful words, but there’s a possibility we might only have a three-day weekend. And have to spend it dutifully mourning.
“I’ve been stockpiling beer and box sets for months in preparation for this. As a servant of her people, she needs to hang in there for another four weeks. It’ll be her last act of largesse to her country.”
Mary Fisher of Basingstoke said: “Four whole days. Bankrolled. In June. That’s like an extra week off for free at the best time of year. If she lets us down I’m going republican.
“Even if the unmentionable happens I think we should all turn a blind eye and have the bank holidays anyway, as a ‘celebration of her reign’ or some shit. I’ll dedicate the first two litres of white cider to her.”