Sunday, 27th September 2020

Queen to crowbar cannabis legalisation into speech

THE Queen is to announce the legalisation of cannabis, against the government’s wishes.

The monarch will use her speech at the opening of parliament to overrule the government’s firm stance on marijuana.

She said: “It is such nonsense that puff is still illegal. I fail to see how it is any more harmful than fags, less so perhaps if smoked in a vapouriser.

“Personally I prefer a vape anyway because it’s smoother and better for one’s health, but that’s personal opinion – I don’t want to get all political here.

“Anyway weed is legal now. And that’s that.”

Later in the speech, a bill banning wild animals in circuses will be amended by the Queen to add “except tigers and those funny little monkeys”.

The Queen will also introduce a short section outlawing the use of fennel: “You always get it at state dinners and it’s rank.”