Could Jason Momoa sort out Brexit? Probably not but just look how handsome he is

JASON Momoa. Actor, Aquaman and all round hunk – but could he sort out the Brexit mess? Probably not, but he is very handsome…

The Irish Backstop
Jason would probably sort this out by getting up early, taking the dogs for a walk along the beach that is next to your dream house and then doing a shirtless work out in the living room for an hour or two.

The Customs Union
Jason could probably sort this out by doing another shirtless work out followed by complimenting you on your fabulous new shoes before taking you out to the most amazing new restaurant in town where he’ll shun all the reporters and hangers on and say softly in your ear, ‘tonight is just about me and you’.

Freedom of Movement

Jason could really nail that one by slowly undressing you with his big sexy man hands before stopping, taking a step back and saying, ‘you really are the most beautiful creature to ever walk this planet’ before making sweet love to you and then taking the bins out without complaining about it.

So, Jason Momoa may not be able to sort out Brexit but if this is how he’d like to try then we’d be more than happy to put him in charge for a couple of weeks and just see how it goes. Can’t be any worse than David Davis.

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Four Strictly specials Britain actually wants to see

MOVIE Week, Hallowe’en Week, Killing-Time-Until-Christmas Week… There’s no end to Strictly’s crapulent theme nights, as we stomp on through a series that’s about a month too long and 10 contestants too big. So what sort of Strictly special would actually be special?

Brexit Week
To address issues of left-wing bias, the BBC holds a Strictly Brexit special, in which all four judges are Nigel Farage. Farage refuses to score any dances because BBC signals sometimes bounce off EU satellites, according to something he saw on Facebook.

Macclesfield Week
Blackpool can sh*t off. Strictly should head to the Cheshire powerhouse of Macclesfield. It doesn’t have a grand ballroom, but it does have a Morrison’s Local and is the home town of copper-coloured TV man David Dickinson.

Curse Week
All the dance couples just stop being coy, and get it on in full view of the cameras. It’s the infidelity amnesty they’ve all been waiting for. The husbands and wives in the studio don’t mind – because they all get to finally have a crack at Aljaz Skorjanec.

School Disco Week
Viewers relive the painful memories of their adolescence as the Strictly studio is reshaped into a school hall and couples are forced to rhumba to songs like Mysterious Girl and Hear the Drummer Get Wicked. Mike Bushell is given the floor to himself for an easy-listening version of Oops Upside Your Head.