'Quiet night in' means exactly that once you hit 40, confirm experts

‘HAVING a quiet night in’ is as mind-numbingly dull as it sounds once you reach 40, experts have confirmed.

Researchers found that, for people in their 20s and 30s, a ‘quiet night in’ could mean anything from 12 friends testing the physical limits of drunken Twister to an evening of cocaine and intimate tattooing.

But 87 per cent of those aged 40 and over said they were less likely to pass out in their bath with a glass of absinthe in their hand and more likely to doze off on the sofa while watching that episode of Midsomer Murders about the rival photography clubs.

Fresh-faced 24-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “I had a quiet night in last Friday that finished at 4am on Monday with me setting fire to my sofa while singing Spanish revolutionary songs.

“I might have another quiet one tonight if I can round up enough fireworks.”

Wayne Hayes, 39, said: “I went for a pint after a work last Thursday and had just the one pint.

“Oh fuck, it’s starting, isn’t it?”

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Woman in supermarket spends 20 minutes staring at Sugar Puffs to avoid small talk with neighbour 

A WOMAN spent 20 minutes staring at breakfast cereal in a supermarket to avoid making small talk with a neighbour she does not really know very well.

Emma Bradford had already bumped into neighbour Martin Bishop once during her weekly food shop and then continued in the hope she would not have to bump into him again and make even more stilted conversation.

Bradford said, “I once bumped into someone four times while in a supermarket and by the fourth time I was looking at the reduced section and it really was painfully awkward. Never again.”

Meanwhile, Bishop said: “After I bumped into Emma I couldn’t bare to bump into her again, so I went to the drinks aisle and just looked at all the fancy bottles of red wine. All the expensive bottles are on the top shelf because rich people are obviously taller than poor people.

“Anyway, after 20 minutes, I thought she must have finished her shopping, but when I stuck my head round the corner she was staring at the Sugar Puffs like a nutter. I decided to carry on looking at the booze until she was gone.”

He added: “Who pays £12 for a bottle of red wine when they’ve got one for £3.45?”