Religion still main threat to Church's credibility

THE religion aspect of the Church of England is still more problematic than any gender discrimination, it has been claimed.

As the Church’s general synod voted against the ordination of female bishops, the public agreed it was sad indeed that anyone still believed in a temperamental, invisible sky-being.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I can’t believe that in this day and age, women still find themselves wanting to be priests.

“Especially when there are other career options like working at the Natural History Museum, a place which is absolutely chock full of dinosaur bones, fossils, tools fashioned by early hominids and other stuff not mentioned in the Bible.

“Although in fairness the Bible does have a bit where some kids are attacked by bears for mocking a bald man. Which is pretty relevant today in the sense that it’s still highly entertaining.”

Meanwhile, Vatican insiders insist it is just a matter of centuries before the Catholic church accepts women bishops.

Stephen Malley, editor of The Catholic Tablet, said: “We take a more cautious view on the theologically immensely nuanced, complex subject of whether women are as good as men.

“We will be reviewing the threat of eternal damnation to those who use contraceptives in roughly the year 8765, and the celibacy of the priesthood in 13265, about the time when the continent of Africa is due to fuse again with mainland Europe.”



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Miss Earth winner to face other planets' most beautiful females

THE winner of ‘Miss Earth’, Natalia Pereverzeva, will now travel to Mars for the finals of Miss Galaxy 2012.

Martian beauty queen Ha’Kuaua Grh-hkn, famed for the greenness of her skin, and the tentacled Jupiter resident Erethe Zantar are hot favourites to win the intergalactic beauty contest.

A spokesman said: “This competition celebrates all the galaxy’s females, whether they are bipeds, gas clouds or flying hairy things.

“Let the best she-being win.”